By Vera Wilhelm

January 18, 2022

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Managing Triggers: Do You React or Respond?

A client recently told me that she was standing at an intersection waiting for a car to stop. When the approaching car showed no intention of slowing down, she stepped into the street, barely avoiding a collision. ‘I have no idea what happened, that I would do something like that just to make a point, she told me. ‘I felt so provoked.’

Whether at home or work, most of us have been there. Someone who talks in a certain tone of voice acts aggressively or defiant, and we have a much stronger reaction than expected or justified. We feel triggered.

What’s a trigger?

Triggers come in the form of events or experiences that cause an excessive emotional reaction. They can be compared to a barely healed wound that gets irritated and causes a sudden, painful reaction. Triggers are often rooted in fears we hold based on previous experiences and activate our limbic or emotional center of the brain into a fight, flight, or freeze mode. So reasoning with them is usually not an option, as we are often unaware of what triggers us, and our reactions can happen so fast that they erase the distance between stimulus and reaction.

A number of emotions can cause a trigger reaction, including feeling:

discounted or ignored, excluded, controlled or told what to do or feel, taken advantage of, and/or be concerned that someone is crossing our boundaries or poses an imminent threat.

However, not each time we are told what to do, for instance, causes a trigger reaction. Only when those reactions seem excessive and disproportionate may we suspect that we got triggered by an emotional pain that may have its roots in the past more than in the present moment. Like the barely healed wound, these pains are concealed but flare up easily. The intensity of our reactions can negatively affect social and professional relationships and get in the way of connecting with others.

What to do about being triggered?

There are several ways we can resource ourselves to break the circuit of stimulus and reaction in favor of a more reflective response.

Taking a mental note of those moments and creating awareness of what sets off reactivity is the first step. Once we better understand what or who triggers us and when we can start to change the way we relate to the trigger and eventually reduce its influence. The ability to observe ourselves as we are being triggered and focus on thoughts and feelings at the moment makes us less activated in the amygdala. This immediately changes our reactivity as we don’t feel as compelled emotionally as when we are oblivious to what is happening.

Calming yourself by taking deep breaths, taking a short walk, or doing mental fitness exercises (paying attention to sensations such as touch, sound, or vision) helps the body to self-regulate from a rush of adrenalin and cortisol. It brings us back to the present moment.

Being curious by exploring what could be the root cause underlying the trigger shifts our mind from reacting to seeking knowledge. When we are curious, we strengthen the functional connectivity between our brain’s reward system that is anticipating receiving something desirable and the memory and learning systems that help us retain the memory more deeply and learning systems that help us retain the knowledge more deeply. Even if we discover that we don’t really know, we still get out of the reactive mode and take a wider, more panoramic perspective of the issue, shifting the response.

Meeting a trigger with self-compassion rather than engaging in an inner argument that puts us down.

If the trigger is an inner critique (I’m not smart enough, etc.), it’s useful to acknowledge the voice as a reminder to step back and take a break rather than run with the emotion. Reaffirming that you are doing your best and feeling compassion for the underlying wound that may cause the trigger gives a sense of agency with more options to respond.

Creating healthy boundaries can be especially helpful if we find we get triggered by people who are closest to us or with whom we share a lot of common history. Being as present as possible in such moments and expressing the emotions that you feel (faster heartbeat, feeling anxious, etc.) and your need to take a break as things heat up can be helpful to delay reactivity. Also, reminding ourselves that it’s normal to get annoyed with certain people or attitudes and that we just need to accept what we cannot change can reduce our need to react strongly and provide more perspective and agency. Again, practicing some mental fitness exercises is extremely helpful to access this perspective at the moment.

Once we develop tools to handle triggers, we break the immediacy of stimulus and reaction by resourcing ourselves. That step gives us more confidence that we can handle the situation and more options to respond rather than react. A powerful way to resource ourselves are mental fitness techniques. To find out more about my offer for mental fitness coaching, please click here.

We hope you found this article on managing triggers and if you should react or respond helpful. Are there any topics you would like to see The Gypsy Nurse cover in an article? Comment them below.

Are you looking for your next travel nurse assignment? Click here to view our job board. Do you need housing for your next assignment? Click here to search our housing page.

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Sources:

  • Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting and Start Healing by David Richo ©2019. (book)
  • How to let go of anger through mindfulness by Tata Brach (article)
  • How to Work with a Client’s Emotional Triggers – NICABM (course)

By Krista Berge

May 29, 2021

3993 Views

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TGN Presents: Mental Health Awareness with Krista Berge

As a part of mental health awareness month, we want to help travel nurses, and healthcare workers learn to take their mental health seriously especially with the certain circumstances this past year has brought us. Depression and suicide rates have increased drastically this year alone.

To help bring awareness, Krista Berge recently went live on our Facebook group and website to share the story of her husband’s struggle with depression and ultimately taking his own life.

About Krista:

Krista graduated from Florida Southwestern State College with a degree in Nursing and is currently an RN. Helping others is her passion, and before taking some time off this past year, she taught in the community about health and wellness. Krista is also a mother to four beautiful children Boston, Lincoln, Brinklee, and Storie Belle. They seem to take up a lot of her time with their sports and loaded social calendars. Still, when she finds a moment, Krista enjoys reading, eating an obscene amount of Mexican food, and taking little adventures around the Southwest Florida area. We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals at 1-800-273-8255.

You are not alone in this fight! And remember, If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts…please reach out to someone, anyone.

And make sure you STAY.

YOU, my dear, matter.

Krista has been a regular contributor for The Gypsy Nurse. If you would like to read more about her, her family’s story or watch her previous live event click here.

By Krista Berge

May 22, 2021

8085 Views

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It’s Time for You to See What Death by Suicide Leaves Behind. A Story of a Widow’s Fight to Survive.

I have to be honest with you…I am struggling to write this. I am scared to let you in on this secret. Worried about my kids eventually reading these words. I am sad about the insight you are about to get inside my head. I am fearing how you’ll start to look at me with pity in your eyes.

I am scared to not speak up

But more than that, I’m scared to not speak up. I am worried that you’ll continue to feel alone. I’m nervous you will think that you’re the only one. I am terrified you will think mental illness looks one way when in reality it looks another. Since I have been comforted in my afflictions, I have no choice but to try and comfort you in yours. Or at the very least, be honest.

It’s time for you to see what death by suicide leaves behind

The fear of you REALLY seeing me is worth every breath I have fought and am still fighting to take. It’s time for you to see what death by suicide leaves behind. A shell of grief. A body filled with wrenching and insurmountable pain. A therapy bill a mile long. A medical record with words like “PTSD” and “Complicated Grieving Process”. It is time for you to see that mental illness can look “put together” and “calm”.

Are you ready for the truth?

After living through my husband’s death, I struggle deeply with my own mental health. And mostly I mean not just ‘down days’ or ‘situational depression’. I have had suicidal thoughts and have struggled on and off for over a year now. Yes, even after watching my kids’ faces as their dad lay in an open casket. I have longed at times to be in that casket with him. I have prayed for death and even fantasized how peaceful it would be to finally rest.

The darkness creeps in at the most unexpected times too. Times when I think I am doing better, when the new medication is working or when I think I don’t need it. When therapy is going like clockwork. Times when the pipe dream of ever feeling better is at an all-time high. And it hits.

The darkness.

Like a heavy blanket enveloping my whole body. Once again, I cannot see the light through the encroaching fibers. Breathing becomes more difficult as my mouth is covered, and I can’t ask for help. My heart only feels guilt. The what-ifs drown me, and I no longer want to struggle to stay afloat.

My brain tells me this will not work.

Any of it. Living without Brian. Supporting four kids on my own. That the only way to make the pain stop is to make my heart stop. My dark thoughts tell me I am making things worse. That I wish I were never even born. My despair tells me that things are never going to get better. That this is not working. Not only is it not working, but it is unsustainable and will never work. So, what’s the point?

The darkness is so heavy that I do not want to scare you. So, I lie. It is not your fault though. It is my choice to hide what is going on. Something about keeping it from you makes me feel like I am keeping it from myself too. I am scared that if I tell you what is really happening inside my head, nothing can ever go back for either of us. Even the fear of admitting I am struggling to the brink of death will wind me up in an institution.

So, I sit in the dark.

That is the thing about darkness though, you think you can see. Have you ever sat in the darkness for so long that your eyes begin to adjust? You start to see shapes. Monsters that are not even there. The darkness can start to feel like that is all there is. You soon forget a world with light. The bright spots seem like a dream. I cannot remember life before the darkness in those times.

But in those moments of life and death, I look in my hands and see I have actually been handed a match. I have been holding it, rolling it between my worn fingers, debating about whether to even light it this entire time. You see, if I light the match, you will see me. My lying eyes, my faltering smile, my unassuming laughter, and airy personality are all just a costume I zip on.

So here I am. Lighting the match.

Letting the light show me…letting the light show you…what mental illness really looks like. What life after suicide leaves behind. How completely terrified I am that picked up where Brian left off.

But why does that have to be a bad thing?

Really, hear me out. To live on both sides of suicide is why I need to tell you the truth. It is neither selfish or weak. It literally feels like the ONLY answer. I know because I have felt it. I can understand why Brian is not here anymore but at the same time, I can’t. It is living in my own personal hell while thankful there is a heaven above me. I can tell you without a doubt that if Brian were still here, he would be shedding as much light as he could on this growing epidemic.

Lighting this match

Showing you my heart, my head, my face, is the only way. But not only are you seeing me, but I am also seeing you. I am seeing my family and friends too who have patiently been waiting for the darkness to subside the entire time. Seeing my doctors and therapists who never made me feel ashamed. I am seeing people that love me take down every brick I tried to put up as a wall. So now you see my broken and tattered mind while I see your heart for me that has been there the entire time. The light may show you my brokenness, but it shows me your goodness as well.

I need you to know that you are not alone. I need to show you that you can smile and still feel like dying on the inside. You are not “crazy” and two opposing feelings can exist. That you are NOT your negative thoughts. You are not weak by asking for help. You are not alone in the darkness. I promise you to have an entire army waiting for you. Just because you cannot see them, doesn’t mean they’re not there. That you too can light the match. Ask for help. Cry for help. Scream until someone comes running. But please, do not sit there in the abyss of darkness. It is lying to you.

I can no longer sit quietly in the dark anymore. Letting it engross me. Stealing my life as it stole Brian’s. I will light this match until it burns my fingers. Until the pain sears through my body and then I will light another one. And another one. And another one. You are not your suicidal thoughts and it is never the answer.

Please reach out for help

Please, if you are struggling with your mental health and/or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741

To read more about Krista’s story click here are a couple more articles from her.